My brother-in-law suggested that this week I wax lyrical about the sensuousness of Autumn. The crisp, clear mornings, the changing light and the beautiful colours of this season that gently segues into the hell pit horror doom and evil of winter.
Yeah, he’s European. I’m not. I detest winter. Autumn is like an air raid siren warning that a million Messerschmidts are about to drop a billion big freezing bombs of depressingly dank dark wetness and torture upon us.
Frankly put me to bed now and don’t get me up until May. Was a grizzly bear in past life. Goes without saying.
So, if you’re not feeling the cold yet, here are some tips from my house that indicate winter is definitely well on its hideous way.
1. The cat sits on your lap while you are on the toilet.
2. Cat-Dog-Cat have settled their differences with the objective of sharing front row seats at the fireplace.
3. Mao howls incessantly about when we are going back to Australia.
4. Getting the electric blanket on in advance of bedtime merits a fridge reminder note.
5. Who left the door open turns into WW3.
6. Suddenly soup has become an acceptable meal option.
7. The ‘scalding’ hot water setting in the shower now feels quite nice.
8. Pyjamas. Quel horreur. Never forsake fashion, my friend Tessa once warned. Pyjamas. Oh the shame.
9. Pine cone collecting has reached obsessive levels.
10. Being in bed by 9pm doesn’t seem extravagant.
The real tragedy is, this is Portugal, where their only ski field is appropriate for toddlers. Well, ok, it’s a sweet little ski field but it will not challenge anyone Nordic. What I mean is, this is Europe-winter-light. Dear god, please bring me central heating and an entire wardrobe of Icebreaker. Thank you.